Unless you live under a rock or just recently got back from Zimbabwe, you know that this season's Survivor cast is divided into (gasp!) racially based teams. While this has caused a lot of pre-show controversy (ergo, much pre-show publicity), I really don't think it's that big of a deal. Minorities, for some reason, are relatively underrepresented in reality shows as a whole, so I think it's a good idea to make that a prerequisite. I was also pleased to see the members of each team did not fit into any sort of stereotype about that particular race. What I was not so pleased with, however, was Flicka.
No, not THAT Flicka...this Flicka...
1. The hair. My god, the hair! I'm all for being different, but this might be pushing it a bit...and how does she take care of it while on an island for 39 days? How does she keep bugs from nesting?
2. This girl? Is dumber than a box of rocks. Her team had somehow grabbed two chickens off the supply boat and were storing them under a wooden crate. What does she do? Picks up the end of the box to check on them, subsequently freeing that night's dinner. (Although I must say that I'm kind of glad I didn't get to see the chicken slaughter ritual; believe me, I got enough of that from last season.)
3. Her occupation is listed as an actress and a roller derby girl. You know, I bet she really works at Hot Topic.
4. And here's the big one - her real name is Jessica. Now, I was rather excited that I had a namesake on the show, but now I am appalled. And where do you get Flicka from Jessica? I have been called many variants of my first and last name throughout my life, but Flicka was never an option.
With the exception of Flicka and her mad chicken raizing skillz, this season of Survivor proves to be interesting...I'll keep you posted.
2001: Jessi and Heather rent Bridget Jones’ Diary. Pretty much think it’s, like, the best movie ever. Jessi falls madly in love with Colin Firth. Heather thinks he’s all right; doesn’t really see what all the fuss is about.
Best. Movie. Ever.
Late 2001: Jessi still talking about Colin Firth. Heather still all, “Meh.”
2002: Bored and finding nothing in the “New Releases” section at Blockbuster to interest her, Heather decides to rent Bridget again. Sun, moon, stars align and she finally understands the wonder that is Colin Firth. He = perfect man.
2002 – 2003: Jessi and Heather make up for lost time and dedicate themselves to all things Firth. Heather watches Pride and Prejudice. Now more in love than ever before. Wants to marry Mr. Darcy and have lots of little Darcy babies. Jessi makes it through half of Pride and Prejudice. For reasons that Heather will NEVER EVER understand, Jessi refuses to watch last three hours of movie. The hell?
Now who wouldn't want to stare at this for an entire six-hour BBC miniseries? That's just crazy talk, I tell you.
April (or May?) (Maybe June?) 2003: Heather reads Girl With a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier. Enjoys immensely. (Stick with me here. I’ll tie this back in eventually).
August 2003: Heather reads article about Toronto Film Festival. Thinks to self: “Sounds like fun!” Emails Jessi to see if she’d be up for a road trip. Jessi? Is totally up for a road trip.
September 5, 2003: ROAD TRIP, BABY!!
September 6, 2003: Arrive in Canada. (Eh?) And do you know who else is going to be in Canada? At the Toronto Film Festival? Premiering his latest film, an adaptation of Girl With a Pearl Earring? (See, told you I’d come back to that). Why, none other than Colin Firth, hisveryownself! (I will neither confirm nor deny whether we knew this before deciding to go to Toronto. You may speculate at will).
Morning – Afternoon, September 7, 2003: Several loooooooooong, tedious hours spent scouting out, claiming, and saving our space directly in front of the red carpet (RED CARPET! OMG!) where Colin Firth will be arriving later that evening. Amused ourselves by playing rousing game of "What Do You Think Colin Firth is Doing Right Now?" Also killed some time hanging out with some other sorta famous people.
like this joker
9:00 p.m. September 7, 2003: DUDE, WHERE IS HE?? Scarlett Johansson has already walked past and ignored us all. (And this was before she became really famous). Literally everyone else has arrived. Where is Colin???
9:10 p.m., September 7, 2003: HE’S HERE!!
Being welcomed by the Bald Greeter Gentleman
And he’s hot! So very hot.
Standing right in front of me, and looking deadly serious. And also, deadly hot.
He’s signing autographs. Eeeeeeek! Heather’s going to be next!
Sadly, the only photographic evidence I have of our encounter with Colin. A crappy screenshot from some BBC show I never saw. That's Jessi on the left, me on the right (apparently about to get elbowed in the jaw).
But he’s…..stopping? And turning around to walk into the theater?? WHAT??? But he hasn’t signed our books yet!
Jessi, in moment of sheer desperation, literally pleads with him to come back, shouting out, in the most pitiful, plaintive wail ever: “Colin, PLEEEEAAAAASE!?!?!?” Colin turns around, shrugs his shoulders as if to say “Oh, bloody hell…might as well” and comes back to sign our books.
But….Heather has no pen! Heather is MORON. Colin looks at Heather as if thinking “What am I supposed to sign this in? My own blood?” (Heather: "Yes, that would be delightful!") Very kind lady standing next to Heather loans her pen. Crisis averted! Book signed! Jessi’s program signed!
Colin looking bemused at idiots lacking pens. And maybe also a little bit irritated? Or is that just my imagination?
Heather and Jessi = Very Happy Campers! With autographs! However, Very Happy Campers withOUT tickets to actually go inside and watch the movie. Oh well. No matter. Got to meet Colin. All is right with the world.
(If my scanner were hooked up right now -- which it is not -- for I am lazy -- this is where the scanned image of my Colin Firth autograph would go. For now, just visualize it in your minds). (Thank you).
And that, dear Internet friends, is the story of how Jessi and I met Colin Firth. Stay tuned for more exciting tales of our celebrity stalking adventures!!
(Well, ok, not really. Colin's pretty much the only one. But I'm sure we'll come up with some other mildly entertaining stories for you. Eventually...)